Just blah

I feel like I've been complaining too much lately (at least on Facebook). But I've really been having a hard time, and this is my place to complain. Part of it is the weather- hot, cold, hot, cold, windy, rainy. Some days are really nice and then the next it's either humid and hot or cold and rainy. It's messing with my head for sure. Plus my allergies have been acting up and nothing works, so I can't taste anything or smell anything and sometimes can't even hear. On top of that is the feeling like I'm about to pop and knowing I have 7 more weeks of torture. Then feeling guilty because I really don't like being pregnant even though I really wanted to be pregnant and I have relatively easy pregnancies and have nothing to really even complain about. As far as symptoms go, my feet are sore and puffy. I have heartburn or upset stomach most nights. Oh, and I feel ginormous. And the baby has had hiccups a LOT lately, which is annoying. But otherwise, can't complain.
But today was just rough. I didn't sleep last night. Just as I started to drift off at 2am, a storm rolled through and I listened to the thunder for an hour and then the rain for an hour. I finally fell asleep around 4am only to be awakened at 6:30 by Alex. Who was wet, and insistent. He is VERY demanding lately. He wanted out of his room, out of his wet clothes, didn't want to lay in bed with me. He wanted to go downstairs. So we came downstairs and I slept on the couch while he watched TV. I only got another hour or so of on and off sleep before Claire got up. Then the kids were just crazy all morning- fighting over everything, picking on each other, generally annoying me. And it was still pouring rain and cloudy, so we couldn't even go outside.
The day just wore on with lots of work, lots of laundry, lots of fighting. I caught a short nap while Alex napped and Claire watched Dora. Or Super Why. Or something. I don't really know. And then Claire was supposed to have her first tee ball practice today, but thanks to that storm, the fields were closed so it's being rescheduled to who knows when. I hadn't told her that she had practice, especially when the storm rolled in yesterday morning. I knew there was a chance it would get rained out, so I didn't want her to be too disappointed. We went outside after dinner and jumped in puddles instead.
The worst part of my day was finding out that the man I would call Dad and depend on more than my real dad was activated and sent to Afghanistan. I am not a military kid. I am not cut out to be a military person in any way, shape, or form. I'm lucky that my husband is the same way and considers military duty to be an absolute last option. I support those who can do that life, but I just can't. So I've had a hard time processing this. I don't know how long he has known. I'm out of the loop for sure. Comes with living out of state. But it's still distressing to me, to think about Veda and Angelique and what they are going through and the other kids who are grown and out for the most part. I'm also a little shocked just because I didn't realize he was still a reservist, or that they would still want guys that age. He isn't elderly by any means, but he isn't a spry young guy either.
And then, to top it all off, I was working on Alex's rag quilt. I've realized yet again that I hate quilting and why do I make myself do it? But I finally got it all sewn together last night and tonight I was cutting the seams to make it fray. And my scissors broke. The two handles just came apart in my hand. Basically the screw holding them together stripped out. I tried to put it back in, but it won't hold. I'm very sad. These were my good scissors too. They weren't cheap. They were my favorite. And now they are broken. Alann will fix them if he can. Until then...I don't know. So I'm just going to go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Otherwise, the kids have been doing well. Alex is starting to string words together into half-sentences. Claire is starting to really explode in her vocab. She picks up EVERYTHING you say lately. She tells some pretty awesome stories. And she loves to sing. She started singing "Child of God" this week. She's a good kid, just active. She tires me out. I really hope her sister is like Alex and not like her. So far, this pregnancy has been very similar to Claire's. I just hope the outcome isn't the same. I don't know that I can handle two mile-a-minute kids.

Grr

I'm having a rather frustrating and depressing day. It started with a yucky night's sleep on the rock that is my bed. Every time I'm pregnant, my bed suddenly becomes much firmer. I'm not sure how that happens. It goes away when the baby is born though. (I never expected "the bed gets hard" to be a pregnancy symptom.) Then I had a really sad dream about Alann deciding to marry someone else but he offered to stay married to me for a while too. I ended up going and getting a divorce paper (which was unrealistically one page that you filed at the local office like a driver's license). And it just made me really sad when I woke up. Then it was rainy and cold and dark for the second day in a row. And I had to take Amy to the airport so she could go home. Though Claire assures me we will go back to the airport tomorrow to pick her up again. Then since it was nasty out, we stopped at the mall on our way home. They have an indoor play area that the kids like. First we had to go potty, then we saw Santa (didn't pose for pictures, Claire just wanted to see what was in the "house"). Claire waved shyly and Alex didn't even look at him. Then we went to play and after just a few minutes, they decided they were done. So we went to get lunch and Claire couldn't decide what she wanted. We ended up getting some hotdogs and Alex kept getting up and running away from the table. We went and saw Santa again and then rode the escalators. Then I made the bad choice of taking them in the candy store. They were grabbing everything of course. I don't know what I was thinking. But I really wanted gummy bears. I was exhausted driving home and Claire was arguing about Alex having the dinosaur and how it was her dinosaur and she put it in the car and she needed it, then she started grabbing his blanket which really upset him. Finally I just turned on the music and tried to drown them out. They took naps and I tried to get some sewing done for Alex's car mat and BOTH of my machines are acting up. i just wanted to sew on a binding to keep the edges neat. But apparently the machines don't like it. So I have to either try to deal with it or figure out something else. Maybe I can glue the binding on? But I have given up. I don't have high hopes for the rest of the day. So that's my rant for the day. Alex is up so I should go get him out of his room.

Update- the day continued to go according to the precedent set by the morning. The kids FINALLY went to sleep after 9pm, which is late for them. They were ridiculously wound up for some reason. But there was a good point that made the day. Southwest was having a one-day 50% off sale! They had a similar sale last week and I said no, I shouldn't. But after talking to Alann, we decided that it was okay. Fares were only $68 one way each person. If I had booked the same flights back when my credit card wouldn't go through, it would have cost me almost $700. This cost me only $300. I'm excited. We get to go see our AZ family for the first time in almost a year. Yay!

is frightened

A few weeks ago, I found a bunch of organic whole wheat bread on clearance at the local grocery store. It has ingredients you can pronounce, I actually know what all of them are and where they come from, and has no hfcs. It's basically bread that I might actually bake myself. So I bought all 5 loaves. We like our bread. Especially good hearty bread like this. We left one upstairs and put the rest in the freezer. (This actually works very well. I had never frozen bread before out of fear it would be weird, but it comes out great.) We have been pulling them out and eating them. Now I am on the hunt. Every time I go to the store, I look to see if there are any clearance breads. I found another couple, bought them, and froze them. I pulled one out about two days ago and set it on the counter in the kitchen to thaw. Today, I went to open the package. I was surprised Alann hadn't opened it, because he loves toast for breakfast. It comes in two wrappers (which I think is terribly wasteful but that's unrelated). I opened the outer layer and started to open the inner layer when I noticed something odd. There was a fist-sized hole in the side of the loaf. First thought- Claire must have somehow squished it in the cart, because she is helpful like that. Look again, no, that doesn't look right. Maybe it baked weird? No, they wouldn't have sold it. Third thought- maybe Alann grabbed a handful of bread. It's totally unlike him, but wait, the inner package isn't open. Look again- AHHHHHHHHHHH THERE'S A HOLE IN THE PACKAGE!!!! Look at the outer package- hole. Some critter ate half my loaf of bread. Needless to say, the whole loaf went into the trash can. But now the worrying starts- WHEN did the critter eat the bread? Option 1- on the kitchen counter as it thawed the last few days- unlikely. There is no evidence of critterness- the bread was sitting in an open area of counter, so it wouldn't have any places to hide while it ate. Plus, we have Jersey and the dogs, not that they have ever caught anything in their lives bigger than a grasshopper, but Jersey acts like she knows how to hunt and practices stalking things outside. Mama kitty (the garage cat) does occasionally leave "presents" for us. I like to pretend she finds them outside in the woods or field and brings them in to leave on the doorstep. Option 2- in my freezer. Um, no. Option 3- before I put it in the freezer... This is a possibility. I'm not sure which batch of bread this is from. I think we finished all the loaves before I bought more, but I am not 100% sure. The first batch sat on the floor in the kitchen overnight (in the cloth grocery bag) before it made it's way downstairs. None of my grocery bags have holes. The second batch went down right away. Option 4- in my car. Possible. There is a history of mice infesting cars out here. However, I've been doing very good about keeping it clean, so I'm pretty sure there are no visitors out there. And it was only in the car long enough to drive home (about 20 minutes), and something tells me that if a mouse was living in the car, it wouldn't come out to eat bread while the car was moving. Which leaves me with Option 5- at the grocery store or warehouse, or wherever the bread comes from. This just grosses me out. I worked a grocery store as a teenager. I know that while they try, you can't possibly keep every little piece of food safe. What upsets me most is that this is the store that I use most often because it is closest to the house. It's rather small, dark, and a little dingy around the edges. It already gives off the aura of "don't shop here!" I don't need to add mice to the list of reasons I don't want to shop there. There is one other grocery store in town and the walmart. I don't like walmart's fresh stuff, and I won't do wic shopping there because of the lines. The other store we have tried once or twice, but their milk isn't hormone free, so I won't do my wic shopping there. Organic or not I am not convinced on, but I am definitely convinced that I do not want my kids drinking milk from cows given hormones. I avoid it whenever possible. Claire has had maybe two gallons of hormone-induced milk in her life. (Now, just because the jug doesn't SAY hormone free, doesn't mean it isn't. But I would rather be safe than sorry.) That kid drinks a lot of milk. It's one small way that I can make a difference in the food that she eats without affecting our pocket book. (BTW, Walmart only sells hormone free milk, in case you didn't know that. Consumers preferences in action!) Anyway, I'm kind of stuck going to this store at least for my wic shopping. And seriously, with two kids in tow, I do the rest of my shopping at the same time. Unless I want to drive 30 minutes to get to another store, I'm stuck. And grossed out. And saddened by the loss of my bread. But I guess I learned a valuable lesson- check the bread before you buy it. Because it might have been half eaten by a mouse.

Ugh and blah

I've been feeling rather overwhelmed lately. Sad, tired, upset a lot. I'm having a hard time dealing with the kids. I know part of it is my lack of real good sleep. Pretty much since we moved, I haven't been in bed before midnight, 11 at the earliest. Even when I try to go to bed early, it backfires. Like last night. I had been saying most of last week that on Sunday, I was going to bed when the kids did. Then at church yesterday, someone invited us to their house for dinner. I know the mom from playgroup, and they have a 2 year old and a 7 month old, but I had never met the dad. We went and it was a lot of fun, but Claire was out of control. She wouldn't eat dinner, at all. She kept getting up and running around and just being crazy. Lisa said to me at one point "I've never noticed at playgroup, but she is pretty active huh?" Yeah. That's a way to put it. There is a three year old boy at playgroup that is more crazy than her, so she looks better by comparison. Anyway, Claire and Natalie ended up playing after dinner, so we stayed until almost 9. Not too bad, until you realize it's a 40 minute drive home. Ugh. We got home and got the kids down and then there is always myself to get ready for bed, and it wasn't until 10:30 before I got to get in bed. Then the kids were up all night. Every few hours someone woke me up. Claire said she was hungry but wouldn't eat. Alex kept getting stuck on his tummy. It was ridiculous. Then Claire slept until 10am and at this moment is supposed to be napping, but her room is right above my office and I can hear her running around. Oh well. I'm not getting her. It's nap time and she will stay up there until she naps. She ate lunch and has a clean diaper. What more can I do?
But I'm having a really hard time controlling my patience. I'm trying. But Claire just seems to not listen. Ever. Saturday at the grocery store, she was walking with us instead of riding in the cart. As I opened the freezer to grab something, she started pushing the cart (with Alex in his car seat in it) as fast as she could down the aisle. In the past, she would stop if I said "stop!" But this time she did not. Luckily some guy grabbed the cart and stopped her before she ran him full speed into a shelf. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong or what I can do better to make her obedient and mindful. I want to do fun things with her like go to parks or on outings, but it is nearly impossible because I never know which way she is going to run.
Part of the problem is also the house and the business. I have at least 3 hours worth of housework each day. Big houses- ugh. SO much to do to just to keep them clean. I hate it. And I'm trying to get my business ready. I want to launch by Nov so that I can hit the holiday rush and hopefully pick up some sales. There is just so much to do. Now granted, some of it I can fake. I can take pictures of one item and say it is several different items, so long as they will actually look the same when I sell them. Then I can just make things as I get orders. But some of the stuff, like the sewing stuff, I need to get done before I can list it, because I can't just take a picture of some fabric and say "this is what it will be when you order it." There just are not enough hours in the day to get everything done, hence the lateness of my bedtimes lately. I'm hoping things will go smoother once I launch my store. They should. But anyway, times a wasting. Time to get busy with other stuff.

Scary stuff

So, I like Twitter, and I like Blogger, and I like Facebook, but I am a little frightened by some of the stuff that comes back in response. Like I tweeted about Qwest, and almost immediately "TalktoQwest" was following me. Yesterday I tweeted about how blogger wasn't uploading my video, and I got some random reply about how to do it. I've also been getting tweets and comments about some New Zealand sleep sack product, because I've been talking about that. I feel a little stalked to be honest. I know I can button down my stuff a little bit more- only send out tweets to friends, block facebook from people other than friends, and only allow registered users to view my blog, but then that keeps people I might want to find me from finding me. It's frustrating. Oh well. That's the world we live in, isnt it??

I also got some random text the other day about used car sales. It said I had to reply to stop the texts, or I would get 3 per month. Where do they get off on that? How did they get permission to sign me up for that? I certainly didn't authorize it.

Insulted

Do I look like a person who is a leech to society? Do I look like someone who deserves criticism for the way I act? I don't think so. I wash myself. My baby is clean. My clothes are as clean as a baby's mama can be. But I just learned a BIG lesson about watching my judgments.
I just went to Smiths to get Claire her WIC formula. Usually I combine errands and don't go out for one thing, but I've been waiting on our neighbor for something and couldn't wait any longer. Claire is almost out of formula. So anyway, all I got was formula. As I am standing in line, waiting for the cashier to finish with the lady in front of me, there is an older (50ish) couple that gets in line behind me. They are buying candy bars and soda. (I only say that to point out that it isn't a normal grocery trip for them.) The woman starts talking to her husband, in a rather loud voice, about how these young mama's are too lazy or busy or some other derogatory adjective to breastfeed their children and then they have to go and use WIC to buy their formula because it is too expensive. I should breastfeed, that's what I ought to do. And quit being a leech. That was the gist of the comment and tone of voice anyway. I know she was talking about me, and about the fact that I was using WIC and should have been breastfeeding. If I had heard more clearly what she was saying, I would have said something. But what right does she have to judge me? She doesn't know anything about me. If I hadn't been laid off, I wouldn't be on WIC. If I produced enough milk without having to feed Claire once an hour, I wouldn't need formula for her. Thank you Lady for your criticism. Thanks for making me realize once again what a horrible mother I am because I can't breastfeed as much as Claire wants and what an awful thing it is to ask for help when you need it. I'm sure she was also judging me based on the fact that Claire was in a sling, and I had a cloth bag, which usually means no car, I'm walking or riding the bus, meaning I am poor, and the fact that I wasn't wearing my wedding ring because to be honest I forget to put it on sometimes. When you wash your hands 20 times a day, jewelry is an inconvenience. My first reaction is just outrage. How dare she judge me like that. I am a fine upstanding citizen who needs a little help right now. Like many others in the country, we are facing trials that don't come from laziness or refusal to work, but bad bad situations. I could find a job sure, but it would only pay for day care. My second reaction is sadness, because I wish I didn't have to give Claire formula. But if it is either that or have her go hungry, thank heavens for formula! My third reaction is shame. I wish I didn't have to be on WIC, but there is no way I can afford $50 or $100 worth of formula every month. And my fourth reaction, after all the emotions die down, is humility. How many times have I judged people based on appearances, when I don't know anything about them. I use cloth bags because I care about the environment and I have no use for plastic bags, not because I am walking because I can't afford a car. I choose to carry Claire in a sling because she gets hot in her car seat and she is too floppy to carry in my arms for too long. She hasn't learned to hold on yet. I use formula not because I don't want to breastfeed, not because I don't know the many benefits of breastfeeding, not because I work and don't have time to pump or am too lazy. I use formula because there just is not enough milk for my little girl with the big appetite. So all in all, it was a very upsetting trip to Smiths, but for a while at least, I have learned to not judge so quickly.

Recipe failure and success

I am always intrigued by "roasted garlic". I've tried roasting a head of garlic. Meh. I've tried "roasted garlic mashed potatoes". Meh. The other night I made 40 clove chicken. It smelled absolutely delicious. It was great. The whole house smelled amazing. Unfortunately, the chicken was rather bland. I tried putting one of the roasted cloves on a piece of bread, but that wasn't that great either. Apparently, I just don't like roasted garlic. I prefer the bite of the fresh stuff I guess. Oh well. It was a success in one way- I did find a new way to cook chicken- I browned it on the stove top, then put the whole pan in the oven (because it is oven safe. Very important to remember!). Roast covered at 350 degrees for an hour and a half. The chicken was very moist and delicious and perfectly cooked, just not perfectly seasoned. Next time, I'll know better. I decided to do 40 clove chicken because I had a whole cut up fryer, which was, unfortunately, frozen when I bought it. (Otherwise, I would have separated it out into better portion sizes. The three of us definitely can't eat a whole chicken in one meal.) So I had to cook all of it at once. At least the leftover chicken will make good salad or pot pies.
In other news, there is a show on channel 5 here called Studio 5. I don't know what you would classify it as. I guess talk show meets variety show meets Rachel Ray? They do a little bit of everything- crafts, cooking, relationship help. You name it, they do it. (It's obviously meant for stay at home moms.) Since it's the only thing on at 11, and baby usually eats then, we watch it occasionally. Yesterday, they were talking about a blogger that is using her crock pot every day for a year. I got excited, because I miss Stephanie the crock pot wonder. Her site was great. She still posts every now and then, and if I have a crock pot need I still go there first. But I was hoping for a new crock pot site so I could get some new ideas. So I went to this lady's blog (and trust me, it was hard to remember to get there- baby ate, pooped, and peed on me all while I was trying to get to this website). Once I was there, I was disappointed. Unlike Stephanie, who very rarely used cream of soups, this lady was all about the cream of soups. Sure, a cream of soup casserole or crock pot dish is nice once in a while, but not everyday! So I was saddened. I guess I will have to keep looking.

After the failure of 40 clove chicken, I was a little anxious to make the other new recipe on the menu this period. (I never know how to refer to my menu making time period. I do it every other week, so I can't say "the menu this week". I usually end up saying "this time" but that doesn't always work.) Anyway, the recipe is called Gallo Pinto. I got it from Serious Eats, by way of Cheap Healthy Good (another of my fave cooking sites). Go read the CHG link, and look at the link to Serious Eats. Once you look at the picture on Serious Eats, tell me, why are there tomatoes in the picture? There were no tomatoes in the recipe, though some pico de galo would have been great with the dish. Actually, now that I think about it, and study the picture on CHG, those red things were probably the bell pepper. Oh well. I used green, because red is too expensive. Some pico would still be good. This recipe was great. Most "beans and rice" recipes I have tried have gone over not so well. This was awesome. I tried it without Alann, since he tends to not appreciate my beans and rice overtures. (I just got a "pretty good" on the leftovers.) But we are poor, so beans and rice will probably become staples and he will have to deal. A few words about the recipe- don't be afraid of the W sauce. Use what it says to use. Also, to cut down on salt, buy low sodium beans, or make your own. Or rinse the beans partly or mostly and use some water, maybe 1/2 c to start? I tossed in the "bean juice" despite my usual misgivings about that practice. I usually rinse and replace the water, because the bean juice just looks funky to me. But this was ok. Maybe next time I will rinse. Or use freshly cooked beans. Also, use the cilantro. It makes the whole thing that much better. CHG says no need for a salad, but I disagree. I like to round out my veggies as much as possible. I try not to count onions and bell peppers as veggies, because even though they are, they are also in almost every meal I make. I ate mine with some yummy crunchy iceberg, and it was delish. I also wished I hadn't cut the iceberg so small, so I could make some lettuce wraps with it. The iceberg went really well with the rice in the same bite. I'll see if Alann wants to take some of this for lunch tomorrow. It's pretty good cold too. (Of course, I don't mind cold leftovers on occasion. Alann doesn't care for them.)
Here's another trick for sneaking more healthful beans and rice into your meals: make a big pot of beans ahead of time, and freeze them in 1 1/4 cup portions. Then you can add them instead of canned beans. For rice, I prefer brown rice. It has more fiber and nutrients and I really enjoy the chewy texture. You can cook lots of brown rice (on the stove, in the oven, or in the rice cooker) and again, freeze the leftovers. You don't even have to portion it out. It breaks apart pretty easily. Just smack the bag around to loosen the grains. Since my rice cooker won't let me cook less than 4 cooked cups of rice, and that is way more than we will eat right away, I am trying to get in the habit of freezing the leftovers, rather than refrigerating. I lose rice in the fridge, and I've read that it breeds bacteria super fast. I don't know why. It's just one of those things. I've trying (in vain it seems, I try this often) to institute a more rigid plan to our menu. Some people do Mexican Mondays, beef Tuesdays, etc. I can't do that. But, I am trying to be more conscious about what kinds of things we are eating, and I am trying to cut down on the meat centered foods. I'm not saying I don't love a good steak (because boy do I), but we eat a lot more meat than we need to. And one meatless meal a week can be good for the pocketbook and waistline, as long as meatless doesn't mean "five cheese macaroni and cheese from scratch". I wouldn't ever go vegetarian, I like meat too much, but I would go halfway, if Alann would go with me. But it's difficult finding things that he likes that grew in the ground, instead of on legs.

Anyway, moral of the story- no more 40 clove chicken, but yes more Gallo Pinto.

The first step

is admitting you have a problem right? Well, I have a problem. I'm a clean freak. Now I know those of you who have seen my house in its full glory are thinking "um, what? Does she even know what that means?" but hear me out. I'm not crazy, I promise.
I'm a clean freak. I like things to be clean and orderly. At the same time, I'm a perfectionist, as my mother so willingly can attest to, and tell embarrassing stories about. I want things to be just so. And above that, I am an "all or nothing" type person. (I suppose this is a facet of the perfectionism?) If I can't give it my all, I give it nothing. Can you see how this might be a problem? I have a really hard time dividing tasks into smaller chunks in order to get them done more easily. In school, I would work for hours and hours on end on a project, not because it was due the next day, but because I could see no easier way to chunk it up. For example- the rug in the bathroom desperately needs to be washed. I don't really want to step on it with my clean feet after a shower. But instead of just picking it up and rounding up enough other things to wash with it, thinking about cleaning the rug leads me to think about how the toilet needs to be scrubbed. And if I am going to get the Ajax out, I might as well scrub the tub too. And if I am scrubbing the tub, my hands will smell and I will have a washcloth out, so I might as well scrub the counter top too. And if I am going to clean the rest of the bathroom, I might as well get the Windex out and clean the mirror as well. Of course, once I have all of that stuff out, it's a waste of time to not clean my bathroom as well. Can you see how I can go from one thing to suddenly I have to clean two whole bathrooms, and I just don't have time for that! (Those of you thinking "she's home all day. What else does she do?" can keep your comments to yourself. You obviously have no idea how hard it is to take care of a house and baby.) I think I need a cleaning caddy and some rubber gloves. Maybe then I could do one little thing without making it into a big thing. Anyway, it isn't just the bathroom. I feel the same way about laundry. The hamper may be full, but if I sort it out, will I have enough to make two separate loads? (I wash all the dark colors together and all the lights together, because the lights are usually delicate and the darks are usually dirtier.) If I am going to sort the laundry anyway, I want to make sure it is worth my time. I don't want to do just one load. I want to do ALL the loads and be done with it. But if it doesn't seem to have enough, I just don't do it. For this problem, I need one of those three compartment hampers- so we can sort as we put things in. Then I could see if there is enough at a glance. If the bedroom carpet needs vacuuming, it seems like a waste to get the vacuum out for just that floor. So I should vacuum the other two rooms as well. And while I have the vacuum out, why don't I hit the front room carpets and couch as well? You see how one small task becomes overwhelming very quickly don't you? I've had a really hard time with dishes. I used to think "if I can't get them all done, what's the point?" Of course, you can never get ALL the dishes done, unless you stop eating, but you know what I mean. I've had to retrain myself to make the "all" in "all the dishes" equal one full dish drainer. Then I can stop and go do something else while they dry. This makes it a lot more manageable, but I still struggle with getting overwhelmed just thinking about all the dishes. Maybe someday I will get it all worked out. Those women who always have clean (at least to appearances) homes and children are an inspiration to me. (Shannon- that's you.)

Of course, half the problem in my house is pet hair. I suppose if I was willing to live without pets my home would be a lot easier to clean. That's just not a sacrifice I am willing to make. Our next mutt will definitely be short hair, and smaller than Tanner. That's for dang sure. But a life without a dog is just not that great for me.

Interesting times

Warning: Political rant coming up. I usually avoid this stuff as much as possible, since I think that everyone has a right to their own opinions and ideas. However, this one is bothering me.

Living in the Mormon capital of the world is interesting to me. Yes, I am LDS. But that doesn't make it any less weird. Strange things happen, and people protest for odd reasons.
The current issue is the passing of Proposition 8 in CA. In case you live under a rock, Prop 8 was a state constitutional amendment that says marriage is between a man and a woman. It was passed. People are upset that the LDS church spoke out and asked its members to support the passage of the amendment in any way they could, especially through the donation of money to the volunteers who were spreading the word about it. LDS members donated something like 70% of the money raised by the campaign, and thus we are being branded as evil and spreading hate. I have several issues with the arguments presented by the people protesting at the temples.
First of all, go here. It's the Church's response to all this hub-bub. For members, it's good to know when people ask us. For non-members, it is good to understand the other side of the issue.
1) The Church did nothing more than ask its members to stand up for what they believe in. It didn't tell them to give their time and money. They don't tell us to do anything. They don't force us to do anything. It is ultimately our choice, and some members chose to support it and some didn't. What is wrong with this?
2) One of the protesters on the news said something along the lines of "the church can enforce it's moral beliefs on its members, but has no right to force those beliefs on the rest of us." True. I agree. However, we were not the only ones voting. President Monson didn't go to California, put Gov. Arnold in a headlock, and make him sign the amendment. (Isn't that a funny mental image though?) It's called "the voice of the people" and the voice was overwhelmingly in support of marriage being between a man and a woman, otherwise, it would not have passed.
3) I think people have an idea already of what is right and what is wrong in their own minds and hearts, according to their own life. No amount of money donated to a campaign from any group is going to change your personal beliefs. So getting mad at an entire organization for supporting their beliefs is a little ridiculous.

I have a few other concerns that I would like to bring up, then I will shut up and not say anything else about this.
1) One of the concerns I have heard is that if an amendment were to be passed that said that marriage is between any two people of any gender arrangement, then our Church may be forced through legal actions to either perform those marriages, or stop performing marriages all-together (at least in this country). That would possibly mean the loss of our temples. Given the choice of losing our temples or performing marriages we believe to be fundamentally wrong, the church will close the temples. This is wrong. This is forcing us to do something, when we haven't forced anyone to do anything.
I think the ultimate answer to all of this is quite simple. Marriage needs to have two facets- the legally binding, governmental side (or civil union) that provides all the rights and privileges of marriage, and the religious side (or marriage) that provides any rights or privileges that your faith provides it. You can choose if you want either one or both. You could be married in the eyes of your church but not in the eyes of the law or unioned in the eyes of the law but not married from your church. There are plenty of applications for both scenarios. We already kind of have this, since you can get married in front of a judge instead of a priest, but I think it needs to be better defined. Then, same sex civil unions would be legal and they would be granted all the same rights as married heterogeneous couples have now. BUT, the religions could decide who to marry on their own. It might make a few more steps, but we already have to pick up our marriage licenses and then file them separately from the rest of our wedding ceremony, so it wouldn't be too big of a deal. And if you read the statement at the beginning, then you know that this would be acceptable from our standpoint and probably many other religions.
2) What really gets me is this: the Church has asked for respect and consideration for our viewpoint, while giving out respect for others viewpoints. Yet we never get it. We don't go protest same-sex marriages or when other churches have women preachers. Because you know what, everyone has a right to their own beliefs on right and wrong. But there are constantly protests at our functions- at our conferences, at our temples, in downtown Salt Lake anytime someone thinks we did something wrong. It gets really frustrating and is kind of sad. People accuse us of hate, when we have done nothing but offer love and respect.

Like I said before, I try to avoid this kind of stuff, but I felt a burning need to speak out on this. But now I am done.

Oh no, I believe you.

I completely believe you doggie. We had a lovely early morning wake up today. The dogs went out at about 4:30, and just as they were coming in the door, Devil cat bolted. She had been all lovey and needy up until that point. Then, gone. I tried to catch her, but I'm not so spry these days. And she runs fast when she wants to. So I told Alann, and he went outside to try to get her. I tried to pretend I didn't care and laid back down, but I didn't really want her to be gone. So then Alann came back in and we went out back. She always goes from the front yard to the back yard for some reason. We managed to herd her/ catch her and bring her in. Of course after running around like that, we were both awake. Alann watched Clifford the big red dog on TV and I just kind of snoozed on the couch. So yeah, I believe you doggie. Don't worry.

In other news, I uncovered my tomatoes because it is supposed to be 70 today! Yay! I found 9 large, mostly ripe ones, most of which had fallen on the ground. I want to go out there again tonight and pick the rest. I don't know quite what to do with them. I can make spaghetti sauce, stewed tomatoes, salsa, pizza sauce. They are so beautiful, I could just...well no, I couldn't eat them. Not raw. Ick. But they are so pretty. They make me want to like them. The peppers didn't fare so well. Most of the little ones have frostbite and the plants are thirsty. I gave them some water this morning, so maybe they will perk back up for the "unseasonably hot" weather we are supposed to be having. I hate how the media always makes everything seem awful. From the weather to the stock market, all you hear is "really really hot this weekend" (in the 70s this weekend) to "the market is plummeting!" (said in the big deep DOOM IS COMING voice). Maybe if you media type folk would put a positive spin on things, or at least use less sensational adjectives, the world wouldn't be so negative all the time. Sheesh. Why can't we enjoy the 70s without being made to feel like it is wrong? I know I will be enjoying it. Yes, the stock market has dropped, a lot. Yes, a lot of people have lost lots of money in their retirement funds. Me too, and I didn't have much to start with. But maybe, just maybe, people wouldn't have panicked if the media hadn't used such strong words. I listen to news radio in the morning and on the way home, and on the "bad market" days, that was all they talked about, every 5 minutes it seemed they were doing an update. "The market is now down 50 points!" "The market is now down 500 points!!!" "The market has plummeted by 7 million points!!?!?!?!?!?%K#@$@%^" Ok, I made that last one up, but that is the way they sounded. People need to be informed, but not panicked. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Otherwise, things are going good.

Public Service Announcement

I wandered across an interesting article the other day. It is called "Farmer in Chief" and was written by Michael Pollan. He is very much into local foods, organic practices, some would say "elitist" foods. It is a really long read, but it was worth it. Basically, he talks about how the next president needs to address farm policy in America. The current system of paying people to produce commodities instead of real food is hurting us in many ways. We eat cheaply, maybe, but it is really poor quality food. The amount of oil that goes into the production of these foods hurts our environment. It just reinforces my desire to have a large and productive garden/ farm some day. He says that farmers in the Andes mountains follow an 8 year rotation plan- 5 years per plot for grass and beef cattle, then 3 years for wheat or corn. They use less fertilizer and pesticide because these things balance each other. How awesome is that. That is the kind of stuff I want to learn, that I am trying to learn. If we stay in our house next year, I am not growing corn. I'm going to grow peas or beans in that plot instead, to revitalize the plot.

He also talks about how changing the way food is produced and the kinds of foods produced will affect our health. Here is a sobering statement:
"The Centers for Disease Control estimates that one in three American children born in 2000 will develop Type 2 diabetes. The public needs to know and see precisely what that sentence means: blindness; amputation; early death. All of which can be avoided by a change in diet and lifestyle." How can we change our diets when the cheapest/ easiest foods are also the worst for us?

Another quote:
Talking to the President: "And you should also let it be known that the White House observes one meatless day a week — a step that, if all Americans followed suit, would be the equivalent, in carbon saved, of taking 20 million midsize sedans off the road for a year." We are trying to implement a meatless dinner once a week. It is harder than it seems at first, but it really does make a difference (and by meatless I don't mean fake meat. That to me, doesn't count. Plus I don't entirely trust soy products...). I've been checking out lots and lots of vegetarian cookbooks. It is so hard to find veggie cookbooks that don't rely on fake meat products or canned veggies. Really, you would think that they have more class than that. Maybe I am just picking the wrong books. Of course I am choosing blindly too. Of course, you can take your favorite dishes and omit the meat. There is nothing wrong with a veggie chili with lots of different kinds of beans. Or a marinara sauce over pasta with no meat. As always I am trying to branch out and try new foods and different combinations. I get so bored after a while. Maybe something will come of it, maybe not. Alann and I were talking the other night about what we would want house/farm wise and what we would need moneywise for me to stay home and tend it. It really depends, but it's got me thinking. He said "so we could start raising rabbits for food now right?" Well, yes. The county has no restrictions on that, and bunnies are relatively low maintenance and good breeders. But that isn't something I want to take on right now. We would have to house them in the garage during winter, and it just wouldnt be feasible. Maybe someday when we have a barn and they can move inside or outside depending on the weather. But that's another subject.

In sad news, Nemo has moved on to that big ocean in the sky. He lived here at work with me. He was the fish that my mother-in-law bought me for my birthday two or three years ago. I don't remember if it was before or after we moved here. Either way, he was old. He's been sick lately, and hasn't been eating, and just sitting on the floor of the tank. I changed the water and tried the swim bladder meds, but he didn't improve. I figured he was going to die. I wanted to put him out of his misery since I couldn't fix it, but I wasn't sure of an appropriate action. RIP Nemo. Maybe I will replace you, though no one can replace my first beta, Fishy Fishy Glub Glub. He also lived to a ripe old age of 3, though one of my friends spent a good hour "petting" him the first night I got him. I was sure he was done for. I'm good with my betas, obviously, though my boss accused me of not taking care of him since I didn't take him to the vet. I guess I just don't get attached to animals that don't return any kind of affection (cough Jersey cough). I like them, sure, but I'm not terribly upset. I'm sure Weston will be upset next time he comes to visit and can't feed the fish.

What a morning! (Sept 3rd)

I wrote this on Weds, but somehow never posted it.

I have had the craziest morning. Everything was conspiring against my getting to work on time. First of all, the cat decided around 4:30am that she needed something. So she laid on my shoulder and purred loudly for about half an hour. I never did figure out what she needed. Then I had this crazy dream about my gas stove (we really have electric) getting backed up and catching fire in the exhaust pipe (I know that isn't how they really work.) while I was on the phone with someone who wouldn't hang up even though I said "No I have to go my house is on fire!" So I got the fire tamped out with a towel and ran outside to turn off the gas, which happened to have a nice little handle to turn (which is also not based in reality). My last thought in the dream was "well now I have to call the gas company to get it turned back on."
The dogs started jumping on me and being crazy the minute the alarm started going off. They wouldn't even let me sit up. Every time I tried, they would climb in my lap and were fighting for position for pets. Nicki kept rolling over onto Tanner's head. It was quite amusing but not conducive to my getting out of bed on time. So I finally managed to convince them that I really would let them outside and got them out of bed and out the door. Then the cat needed more love and was trying to climb my bathrobe while I was putting in my contacts. She sat in my lap quite contentedly while I said prayers (which is rare- she never sits in my lap except in the morning during prayers). By 7:20, I was in kitchen making breakfast. I decided to make eggs, since I could let them cook while I prepped dinner (and my lunch because I was lazy last night) and eat them in a tortilla while I dressed. I usually like to sit down for breakfast, but not today. I made the unfortunate decision to take my vitamins before I ate, so that I wouldn't forget. About 10 minutes later, I was in the bathroom, though there was nothing in my stomach except vitamins. It was quite awful. I finally got everything done in the kitchen around 7:40. This is about 10 minutes later than I like, but still doable to get to work on time. So I washed my hair (because it is exceedingly long and very opinionated if not washed daily) and got dressed. Then my hair wouldn't dry. It took me about twice as long to blow dry it as usual (another sign that I desperately need a haircut- when it is short enough, there is no blow drying involved). After makeup, I needed to go get the sheet off the tomatoes. It hasn't been freezing, but it has been close. The sheet keeps them toasty enough and it is easy to put on. Tanner wanted to go in the garden with me. I gave him a tomato. Then Nicki wanted one. So I gave her one, which she promptly ran off with and spit on the ground, because she doesn't like them. So I distracted her long enough for Tanner to grab it and eat it. Then we went inside. By the time I had shoes and animals put up, it was 8:15. Ok, I'll be a little late, no biggie. I really need to leave at 8:10 at the latest, and that will get me there on time. So I get out to my car and as I am getting in, the girls across the street are leaving for school. They let the puppy out of the gate. (I can't blame the puppy for running away. They use unnecessary force with her.) I watch for a minute to make sure the girls can catch the dog. It runs right next door into the open garage and I figure they have her. Then I hear one of the girls screaming and crying. Then the puppy runs back out into the street to run away. So I stop my car (I have only made it about 2 houses since then) and get out. The puppy runs right over to me and I pet her until the older girl walks over. She just wants to trust the puppy to walk with her back to the yard. Yeah, right. So I pick up the dog and carry it. (By the way, this is a Husky puppy, so weighs about 20 pounds.) She licks my face and is quite happy, but as we get closer to the yard, she starts squirming more and more. I tell the younger girl to get her school stuff, which is right inside the gate, then put the dog in and close the gate. The gate doesn't close all the way, so the puppy puts her face back out. I tell the girls to make sure they close her in well, then go back to get in the car. The older girl gets frustrated because the puppy won't get her face back in the yard, and finally kicks it. Sigh. I know they learn it at least from their mother, because I have heard/seen their mother treat the dog that way. But it just isn't right. It makes me sad. Obviously the girls love the puppy. They just don't know how to treat the poor thing. By this time I get out of the neighborhood, it's 8:23. Then there is construction on 47th. So I have to go down to 54th. After that, it is smooth sailing, and I get to work 15 minutes late. Not bad for all that I went through, but it was a really sucky morning. My throat hurts too. I am trying some Claritin to see if it makes my allergies/stuffiness better. I can't tell any difference yet. But my 5000 mosquito bites (ok, it's really 15) don't itch as bad. I hate Missouri mosquitoes.
Speaking of Missouri, the trip went well. It was a lot of fun spending time with the in-laws and some friends. We got to see the house in Columbia. They have done a lot of work on it and it looks really nice. Here's hoping it sells soon. Alann's mom took me shopping for maternity clothes. That was really nice. After we went shopping, my stomach seemed to think that it was free. There was no stopping it. It refuses to fit in all but a few of my non-maternity clothes now. Oh well. I have plenty of clothes that it will fit into. (Thanks again Debbie!) The wedding was a wedding. It was nice and I was glad we made it.
We are still debating Christmas plans. I can't decide if I want to go back or not, and how to get there, and what to do with the dogs. The easiest way is to drive with the dogs, but we know how that can go. And I probably have to work on the 23rd. I don't have much time off. So we wouldn’t be able to leave until late on the 23rd, which means a hotel in Wyoming or Nebraska if we make it that far, then getting in on the 24th if we are lucky. The train is pretty much out of the question. We can catch the 6am in Flagstaff on the 23rd, or leave out of Salt Lake, but go to Chicago and then backtrack to St Louis. Either way, we are looking at 30+ hours of travel time, in which case we might as well drive, save some money, and hope for the best. Flying is iffy- I may be too far along and the airlines won’t let me fly. I think the current decision is plan on driving but wait and see how the winter goes. If it gets sucky (like last year and snows every other day), we stay home. If after driving to Phoenix for Thanksgiving I decide no more driving, we stay home. And if the doctor tells me no travel, we stay home. Though if anyone wants to visit, let me know.

Scooters

According to a KSL article, highway deaths in general are down this year. That's good. But "motorcycle deaths increased for the 10th straight year. There were 5,154 motorcycle deaths last year, compared with 4,837 in 2006.
Peters, an avid motorcyclist who keeps a scuffed helmet in her office that she credits with saving her from a severe head injury in a 2005 crash, said the rise in motorcycle fatalities was disappointing. The increased deaths have come while the number of registered motorcycles have surpassed 6 million, compared with 3.8 million in 1998, and vehicle miles traveled have risen.
Peters said with higher fuel prices, more people may use motorcycles or scooters that can get 50 to 60 miles per gallon."
I can't really say that I am surprised that more people are dying on motorcycles. I wonder if they include scooters in the motorcycle category? It doesn't say one way or another, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is some special feature story some day soon about how people on scooters aren't taking their safety seriously. I see it every day. There will always be the "motorcycle veterans" who have been riding for years without helmets, but the new people, who have no experience and haven't taken a safety course, really scare me. The other day I was behind a woman on a brand new scooter- didn't even have plates yet. As we came to the red light, she was weaving all over and having trouble controlling it and almost fell off when it finally did stop. Then, she started fishing in her pocket and ANSWERED HER PHONE! I couldn't believe it. The light turned green and she, still on the phone, wobbled off. Of course, she wasn't wearing a helmet, a jacket, or any kind of safety gear. I got out from behind her as quickly as I could, because I didn't want to be the cause of her death if she fell off and I ran over her.
I just don't understand how people can think that no equipment is safe. I see people wearing flip flops and shorts, on the phone, texting, doing anything but actually driving safely on their scooters. I have road rash scars from falling off my human powered bike when I was a kid. Why on earth would I trust my unprotected self to a motor powered bike that goes 3 or 4 times as fast as I ever did on the bike? What really gets me are the people who take their helmets for a ride. You know, they obviously have them- they are strapped to the back of the bike. Well then why aren't you wearing it!? I think it should be a law that you cannot sell a motorcycle or scooter to someone without selling them a helmet too- or at least they have to show you their helmet first. I know that it is a law to wear a helmet, but most people don't, and I'm sure the officers have more important things to do than ticket someone for a helmet law violation. And I have noticed that people on two-wheeled vehicles think they have special privileges. I've seen more than one bike or scooter driving down the sidewalk. That isn't safe for them or for pedestrians.
I applaud people who buy a scooter and make it work to save money on gas. That is a very good idea. If I had thought a little more, and known what gas was going to do, I might have bought a scooter instead of my car. Once Alann brought up the scooter idea, I was like "well duh, I could have bought one outright with my down-payment," but the car has worked out. And I would have had to give it up when I got pregnant (I am not the most coordinated at the best of times) or when I started this job since I run errands that require having car space at a moment's notice. But it would have worked when I was working at Granite and the Post Office. But anyway, that's my rant for the day. People need to quit being dumb about driving in general and two-wheeled vehicles specifically.
(As a funny side story, the other day I was at Wal-mart. The parking lot was designed so that you could only go one way down the aisle, and was clearly marked with arrows. I pull out of my spot and just as I can turn and go straight, here comes this shiny poop-colored convertible the WRONG WAY down the aisle. (I assume it was supposed to be bronze or copper colored, but it looked like someone ate a whole lot of glitter.) It is driven by a younger guy with another younger guy riding shotgun. The driver just glared at me and stopped. I honked and motioned for him to back up. He didn't move. Obviously, it was a one-way. There was another car behind me, I couldn't back up and I certainly wasn't going to move for this jerk who thought he was better than everyone. So he finally guns it and whips around me. Luckily there happened to be some empty parking spots for him to drive through. I just couldn't believe him. Another example of people with "special" cars thinking they have special privileges. (Or maybe they are just special needs....))

And in other news, we have another doctor's appointment today. Yay! We should get to hear the heartbeat and we just might know what color to paint the nursery. Here's hoping.

Rant

Those of you who know me, know that I am not a feminist. My women's studies teacher (a required course at my women's college) gave me a card at the end of the semester that said she was worried at first to have a "Mormon woman" in her class, but that she appreciated my outlook, and gave me a book about how feminism is for everyone. I never read it. I believe that women deserve equal rights to men, equal pay for equal work, and all that jazz, but not if they are not willing to work for it. I think that is the ultimate downfall to the feminist movement. Women say "We are equal" and then turn around and say "I can't use a drill. That's a tool!"
What on earth brought on this rant? At work, we finally replaced the old industrial-style unused toilet paper holders with regular ones that we can actually use. When I say we, I mean me. Someone else came up with the idea, but it naturally fell to my shoulders as office manager to see that it happened. Yes, I could have foisted it on the "facilities manager" but let's be honest, he is a busy guy, especially with the party coming up, and it takes him a while on a good week to get stuff done. So I just said to myself "You know what, this requires a drill, a level, and a screwdriver. You have done harder things at 3am, covered in mosquito bites, wishing you were in bed, knowing that bed would not be visited long enough before you have to get up and do this again. You can totally do this." So I did. I had 3 different people (all women) tell me to find someone else (implied: a man) to do it for me. I kept asking why. One of the girls said “cause you’re a girl and you’re wearing a skirt and you have a baby in your belly.” The whole baby thing might get in the way later on, but right now, it’s not a problem. Having “a man” do it is one of my serious pet peeves. Maybe it is my upbringing, having a single mom who had to do those things, or my schooling, being one of 2 (serious) female techs my first year at school, and being expected to do exactly what the boys did, but it drives me nuts when women pull that "oh I'm a girl I can't card".
There was one girl that I thought I was going to kill at Boji one summer. She was basically a spoiled rich princess who had been taught to have men do the hard stuff and she just had to look pretty. So anytime she was given something more difficult than painting or holding something as an assignment, she latched onto one of the guys so that she wouldn't have to do any actual work. Our TD tried valiantly to get her to actually work, but in the end, it was just easier to give her the easy jobs, because then he didn't lose one of the people who would actually work. She was not the only one with this outlook, but was definitely the worst.
Even though I am not a feminist, I do believe that women have immense strength and can do things that most wont or think they cant. So it makes me really nuts when people say “get a man.” I am not opposed to one human asking for another human’s help. I went grocery shopping for work and it was terribly hot and humid and just awful. Even though I usually carry the groceries by myself unless I run into someone who offers to help, this time, I went upstairs and asked for help. I didn’t go upstairs to get “the guys”, I went upstairs because that was where the greater concentration of people were, and thus the most opportunity for help. But I wonder, did some of the guys think I was just a pregnant lady getting the guys help for an otherwise easy job? I don’t know, and don’t know that I care too much. But that is my rant for the day.

The worst part of my job

Some people are SO rude. I could never be a sales person. This job has taught me that I definitely could not do that. Some of them use such slimy tactics that it is reprehensible. I have had people try to sidestep me in many many ways- from telling me that they are returning a call (falsely) to downright lying to me about why they are calling. I don’t think I have ever been actually insulted though. Until today.
Some man called, and I can tell when they are salespeople if 1) they ask for the owner (not her name), 2) they assume the owner is a man, or 3) I tell them that they aren’t available and they don’t want to leave a message. This guy asked for the owner of the business, which immediately puts me on guard. I told him she wasn’t in yet (the truth) and he asked for a co-owner. I asked the nature of his call. He told me it was a “confidential business matter”, to which I told him we weren’t interested. He mumbled something, and I told him that if he couldn’t tell me what it was about, I couldn’t help him. He asked if I was an owner and I said no. He asked my title and I told him the office manager (which usually garners at least some respect as to the viability of my decisions). He said “oh a message taker” in a REALLY nasty tone. Again I told him that if he couldn’t give me any more information, I couldn’t help him. And he said “Well if you aren’t an owner I don’t want to talk to you” and I said “Well I don’t want to talk to you either. Goodbye” and hung up.
Now yes, part of my job is receptionist, which means that part of my job is to keep the unimportant calls away from my boss. But that doesn’t mean I deserve to deal with these rude, mean people. People are constantly trying to bully me into either giving out information about people who work here, or to get them connected to someone who isn’t interested. I understand that their job is to sell things. But that doesn’t mean they have to lie or be mean about it. I had one person tell me they weren’t trying to sell anything, so I gave in and connected them to Marcie (after telling her that they said they weren’t selling anything). I heard Marcie from her office talk to them for a minute and then ask them why they lied to her receptionist (they were trying to sell stuff) and gave them a talking to about being false in their advertising. It was quite amusing. I have had people be completely unrelenting, even after repeatedly telling them we were not interested. I had one lady call me twice, the second time to yell at me for telling her we weren’t interested. I have had people try to “be my friend” and get to know me before they launch into their spiel. I really hate when they try to get information from me without telling me who they are. I had one lady call me about office supplies, specifically toner. We have someone who does our toner. I told her I wasn’t interested. She asked what kind of machine we had. I told her that I didn’t want to tell her since I wasn’t interested in her product. She got all offended and huffed “What, don’t you want to save money?” No, no I hate saving money. In fact, it is my goal to spend as much money as possible on every little thing so that my company goes out of business and I don’t have a job. That is why I deal with big name companies like Office Depot and Staples. Because I know that they are gouging me and are probably a scam anyway. (Oh wait, that refers to the people who call me on the phone.) You know, I don’t know how much I spend on toner, and I don’t really care to know. I like the people we deal with. I had a different toner salesman try to sell me on how much less we could spend on toner. I asked if he was local. He said “uh well, we’re in Colorado, that’s close. It’ll be like one night turn around.” I told him we have a local company that delivers (no shipping) and can deliver on the same day if necessary. His response was “but we are cheaper.” Yeah, sorry fella, not gonna help your case. The point is the local nature of the business we deal with, the turn around, not the price. If we run out of ink on a major project, we need ink NOW, not tomorrow.
The moral of the story is this: I hate salespeople. I recognize that they are just doing a job. I feel sorry for them. I would hate to have that kind of job. The only part of “The Office” (TV Show) I have ever seen is where the big boss man with black hair is working two jobs and the second is a call center. He hates it, does awfully, and gets in trouble for talking to his coworkers too much. That would be me. I would quit. I just wish the salespeople would STOP CALLING ME! And the automated sales calls. Those are even worse. Really, everything else about my job is awesome. I don't even mind answering the real phone calls. It is just the sales people that annoy the crap out of me. I wish I had caller ID so I could screen people a little better. That would be awesome.

Happy non-mother's day

Every where you look is mother's day this and mother's day that. It's very very depressing for someone who wants desperately to be a mother and is not one. At church, they always get gifts of some kind for the mothers of the ward. In our ward, there is a (rather crazy) lady who creates the program and a monthly "newsletter" (I put it in quotes because there isn't really any news in it). She created some cards and was passing them out before church. She gave one to Shannon in front of me and another lady behind me, but didnt give one to me. Pat (sitting behind me) asked if I got one and I said no (it really wasn't a big deal.) So Pat told her that she missed me and she got really upset and kind of threw it at me. (She is very possessive of "her" things. She's really strange. She was going to move, and so wrote in her "newsletter" that some people would be happy to know that she was moving. Then, when they ended up not moving, she wrote that some people would be upset but that was just too bad. Really strange and not really appropriate stuff for a church-sanctioned thing.) On Friday, I had already been rebuked by a coworker about why should my husband have to get me anything for mother's day if I don't have kids. I didn't really explain anything to him. I just let it go. We've been celebrating mother's day and father's day since we got married. It started because of the dogs. They are like our kids to us. And we will eventually be parents, so why do we have to wait until then to celebrate the fact? Anyway, after these two situations came to pass, I was prepared to not make a fuss and not be upset if I didn't get one of the little gifts. The young men came and passed the stuff out. It was a music cd. I didn't get one. Not a big deal. Again, Pat from behind me leans forward and asks if I got one. I told her no, but I wasn't a mother anyway and tried to laugh it off. (Obviously, I don't have kids Pat. I am way too young for them to be grown up and out of the house and you didn't see any all during sacrament did you?) Then Shannon came to my rescue and said "not yet" and some other really nice things. Thanks Shan. That meant a lot to me. =)
In the end, I did end up with a cd, not that I ever listened to the one I got last year either. It's just nice that some people recognize non-mothers as having worth and value. Most of the church seems to just ignore us. It's the last big demographic in the church that doesn't get specific mention. We talk about converts, older men without the priesthood, people who are divorced or widowed, children who have strayed, parents who have lost children, single people who have never married, anyone who doesn't fit "the ideal", but vary rarely do you hear about us poor women who are married and want to be mothers but have not been blessed with that opportunity yet. It's very hard. Oh well. I try not to let it get me down. So happy non-mothers day. And happy mothers day too.

Happy earth day!

Happy earth day! We have been noticing a lot of ads and such about being green and environmentally friendly. It took until yesterday to realize that today is earth day. I don’t know how I forgot. It is also an ex-friend’s birthday. I always used to get him earth day cards instead of birthday cards. It amused me. Him, not so much. Maybe that’s why we aren’t friends anymore….
In honor of earth day, here are a few ideas to help conserve the environment.
12 uses for plastic containers.
Reusing plastic bottles.
I very rarely buy bottled water. I figure, if I am going to purchase a drink, it might as well be something I don’t have a lot. When I do buy a bottle, I usually save it when it is empty. (Alann hates this.) But I have learned rather painfully that when I get dehydrated, my lungs dry out first, and it becomes very hard to breathe. So I drink a lot of water.
In college, I always had the Nalg (Nalgene- who happens to be making all of their bottles BPA free starting soon, yay health!) Everyone knew which Nalg was whose. It was rather amusing. Every now and then someone would get a new one and it was a big to-do. Chances are, if you found a Nalg in the paint shop, covered in paint, that wasn't pink, it was mine. (Pink was Beth's).
I went through quite a few Nalgenes, depending on my mood. I had the BIG one, that I could fit ice and a lot of water in. That one was my Boji Nalg. It is still flecked with paint from many hot afternoons spent painting with the Nalg standing nearby, ready to be of use. I have it’s little, wide-mouthed sister, which came with a splash guard, which basically keeps you from spilling water all down your front. (Which I do, a lot, even with regular cups…) This was my usual Nalg. I also liked it because I could fit a straw in it, which made drinking it easier. For a while I had a flip top Nalg, but it had a rubber seal on the top, that was unfortunately very tempting and ended up picked off by my bored fingers one day. And then there was my first, the one that started it all, that called to me from the hiking store on my way to the bank one day. It is a narrow top, which makes it hard to fill and drink out of, but it saw me through my first Boji days, until it got WAY too hot for that little bottle. It also carries one of my first gifts from Alann- a sticker that says Leather and Lace (or something like that). I used to talk him into buying me crap out of those vending machines in the front of stores. He quit carrying quarters after a while.
To this day, I usually prefer a bottle over a cup for my water, mostly because the cat tries to stick her face in my cups and the dogs just knock them over with their tails, or faces, or feet, or big fat bodies. Of course with the bottle, the cat tries to figure out how come she can see her paw, and the water, but when she puts her paw "in" the water (on the other side of the bottle) it doesn't get wet. Hilarity ensues. She gets mad and paws at it furiously. She really doesn'y understand containers at all.
When I started working at Granite, we had a water cooler but no cups available, so out came my Stephens mug. Easy to fill, has a lid so minimum spillage (I am rather clumsy), and a straw fits nicely in the hole in the lid. (I like straws.) But here, we buy cups. I don’t like it. I have never been the kind of person to wash a towel after using it once or get a new cup for water every day. My cups usually last about a week. And so people will come down, get a cup, fill it with water, drink it, throw the cup away, and go back to their desk. We bought real glasses at Christmas so that we could cut down on cup consumption, which has honestly helped. But there are some people I know who get a new cup every day. That seems like a LOT of waste to me. At least it isn’t my money, but it is definitely my earth. (See, it all came together at the end.) Plus, with my mug, I KNOW it is my mug and no one is going to accidentally drink out of it thinking it is theirs. (Actually, it isn’t really MY mug, my mug got swiped from the green room, so I salvaged this one out of lost and found. I know it isn’t mine. I took good care of mine. This one had scratches on the lid and body. But it was the only way to take drinks out of the cafeteria, so I took it. They were expensive (to a college student)- $5!)
The moral of the story- use less disposable products and replace them with real stuff. Yes, you will spend more initially and washing it, but at least waste water can be reclaimed. Waste plastic- not so much.

I feel like Eeyore today.

The laundry room saga continues. Actually, it has turned into an epic. Or a really BAD set of horror films, like Jason 1-57, where the bad guy comes back to life for every movie and you think, "wait, didn’t he die last time?" Or like the House series (which I love) where he has now “died” 3 times, and it looks like he will be dying again in the upcoming episodes.

Here is my last recap “When we left for Christmas, we noticed a small river in the laundry room. We figured it was too big a load that overflowed. Then we came back, and after a while, noticed the little river again. Then we realized that it was the washer backing up. We had the pipe snaked, and the problem seemed fixed. This week (April 4th), we had a RIVER in our laundry room. We pulled the washer out last night, and took the fixtures off. The hot water fixture was very very crusty and rusty. We cleaned it and put it back on. So far, that seems to be the problem.”
We noticed that even when it was turned off, the hot water spigot leaked. So last week, we replaced both spigots. That was the end of the problem. Or so we thought.
Yesterday morning, as I was getting water for the dogs, I noticed something odd. The floorboards in front of the sink were kind of bowing up. I made a mental note to tell Alann and went to work, promptly forgetting about it. I talked to him at about 5pm last night. He told me that he noticed the bowing floorboards and oh yeah, there was water coming up out of them. I don’t even know where to go from here. It just makes me so depressed that every time we think we have fixed the stupid thing, something else goes wrong. We don’t have the time to fix it right now, so for the next few days, we are just turning on the water when we need it. Lame, huh? It’s very limiting knowing that you don’t have water unless you go into the bedroom and turn it on. It makes me think about some of the things I might do, but will hold off until I have to turn the water on to get ready for bed.
Alann says that we can pull down the wall in the laundry room and see if the problem is there, and if not, then we can try to get access to the pipes from the office. We wanted to tear down the nasty paneling in there anyway right? If that fails, which I am 99% sure it will (because I vaguely remember seeing the backing to the fireplace when we were installing the new drywall), then we have to tear down our nice new cabinets or backsplash in order to fix the blasted thing. Why couldn’t this problem have presented itself in the 11 months that we lived without a backsplash? When all we would have had to do was tear out the drywall, which could have been easily replaced? At least we still have tile left in case we need to redo the backsplash.
And of course, we are still dancing around all of the furniture from the bedroom, which makes the house oh so pleasant. I don’t even want to be there right now. It is packed full and hard to navigate, there is crap everywhere and I am constantly stepping on it. I got my last dresser put together last night, then I just dumped everything into it, so I can’t even find anything. My current list of priorities is: sell old furniture, fix (expletive expletive expletive) pipes, fix whatever is broken in the process of fixing the pipes (because I know it will happen), clean house, rearrange drawers, oh and did I mention that I am speaking in church on Sunday? Yeah, that needs to get done too. Plus I want to get my garden sprinkler/ drip system set up. And we want to redo the front yard this year, which means soon before it gets hot. Ugh. And every time I go to Provo for work the “check engine” light comes on for a few days. I am 99% sure that it is just the altitude change, but I want to be sure that it isn’t overheating or something.
Maybe we will just move next year after Alann graduates after all. That will solve most of the problems. I am sure everything will work out, but in case you can’t tell, I am having a pity party for myself today.
Did you know it might snow here today? Yesterday, it was 80. Today, snow. What’s wrong with the world?

Big black clouds

One of the things that really gets to me is diesel exhaust. Seeing a truck driving down the highway leaving a swath of gag-inducing black smoke makes me really angry and quite disgusted. I usually try to avoid driving behind such trucks, because I like to drive with my windows down, which means all that nastiness is now in my lungs. But sometimes you get tricked into thinking that the big, lifted, (compensating) man-truck in front of you is just a regular truck. Until the light turns green. And the cloud envelopes your car.
I was wondering why we use diesel fuel in the first place if it is so gross. For some reason, I had in my mind that most people believe it is cleaner than regular gasoline. Like any good American, I googled diesel to find out more. Here is what I found in a nutshell. For more info, go to How Stuff Works. They even have a cool animation of how the engine works.
Apparently, diesel engines are more efficient. They create more energy per unit than gasoline. That is probably why I was thinking cleaner. For some reason, in my mind, efficient= clean. But they are not clean. They are incredibly dirty. That black nastiness is soot- particulates of all kinds and chemicals that are entering our atmosphere and creating acid rain and smog. I am not saying that gasoline engines are totally innocent, just that diesel creates more soot. The info available on OSHA says that particular kinds of workers are more at risk: long-haul drivers, mine workers, railway workers. Basically, anyone who works with diesel equipment a lot. Even forklift drivers (honey). The short-term effects can be like carbon monoxide poisoning: lightheadness, headache, nausea, fatigue. Long-term effects: cancer, particularly of the lung. Now, some studies in rats and mice have concluded that diesel exhaust raises the risk for ONLY lung cancer, no other kinds. But I’m sorry, of all the cancers out there, I think lung cancer is probably one of the worst. You can’t live without lungs. There is no pill to replace lung function, and ventilators aren’t exactly portable (not that having any one cancer is any better or worse than another).
This is worrisome to me, having grown up in a big city, knowing that there were bad air quality days, and now living again in a big city, with many bad air quality days. According to a KSL article from about a year ago, “bad air can have a terrible effect on pregnant women. ‘Basically...if a pregnant mother chooses not to smoke, if she lives in an area of high pollution, her baby is smoking.’" Also in that article, it states that 80% of lung function develops after birth. “Doctors say the particles that cause long-term health problems are still inside the lungs, even when the air is cleaned up by wind or a storm.” Hmm, growing lungs with crap in them, sounds like a good situation to me... =(
In a study conducted in France, study participants willingly breathed noxious air for an hour. Ugh. Basically, after half an hour the brain started functioning differently. “‘We believe our findings are due to an effect of nanoparticles or 'soot' particles, a major component of diesel exhaust,’ said Borm. Long-term effects of exposure ‘may interfere with normal brain function and information processing,’ he noted.” If even half an hour of traffic can make your brain stress out, no wonder road rage is on the rise. So there is my public service announcement/ rant for the day.