So, this morning Claire woke up shaking her head almost constantly and holding one side. She has been shaking it progressively more this weekend, so I called the doctor. I hated to take her in when I needed to take her in on Friday anyway, but it was a good thing. She does still have an ear infection, but it is rather minor. She is on a different antibiotic which hopefully will get rid of it. We pushed back her one year appt so that the doctor can check her ear and make sure it is healed and I don't have to take her in for ANOTHER appt. Claire is also cutting her second top tooth. The doctor thinks that that is causing her discomfort more than the ear. It is also causing the loss of appetite. Claire hasn't eaten much solid food lately. The doctor said she should be wanting to eat everything, but she has turned down pretty much everything lately. Hopefully she will cut this tooth soon and then go back to eating normally. It is REALLY frustrating to watch her turn down everything I offer her. Especially when she signed that she was hungry and took me into the kitchen. I think I just need to give her some pain meds when she first gets up and give those a chance to work, then try feeding her. Maybe that will work better. She's been pretty good about sleeping though. I got up with her once last night, and though she told me she was hungry, she really just wanted to snuggle. She thinks hungry means everything. I'm trying to teach her please and she signs hungry. I did teach her "drink". She mostly just waves one hand around, but it is consistently the same thing, so I know that is what she means. It's kind of funny.
In other baby news, I had a good chat with my pediatrician today about how I'm feeling. Honestly, I'm not excited. I had a bit of a breakdown in my OB's office last week. He said "see you next time in three weeks, then after that every two." I hadn't realized we were that close. I'm in this vicious cycle right now. I'm not excited about it, and then I remember how excited I was about Claire, and I feel guilty, which makes me even less happy, which makes me feel more guilty. That is why you haven't seen any pictures of my belly. I have one. It's out there. Depending on my clothing, you can tell I am pregnant. You can see the baby moving around in there. But I just can't bring myself to act excited and share news like that, because I'm not. My OB said it was normal and offered me Prozac. (He was serious.) I'm actually a little worried I might get postpartum depression, since I am feeling this way now. I never experienced even baby blues with Claire, other than the normal exhaustion, so I don't even know what to expect. The pediatrician said it was normal and I will feel different as soon as he is born. She said she had a similar experience- her second was unexpectedly sooner than planned. She felt the same way, but as soon as she held the baby, she loved it. So I am counting on that. I am trying not to dwell on my feelings, because that just makes them worse. I am trying to look on the positive side of things. And mostly, I am just pouring all of my energy into enjoying Claire while I still have just me and her time. And no, I don't really want to talk about it. I just need to get it out there. When I talk about it, I just start crying, and you really don't want to make a pregnant woman cry do you?? (And if you do, you are just mean.) I'm doing fine for the most part. I'm really glad Alann doesn't have another semester like the last one though. I would be a basket case. The two and a half days a week he is gone are really rough. But anyway, I have a house to pick up so I can clean tomorrow. We are meeting with our real estate agent to get a better idea of the market and staging for our house. I am kind of excited about that.
In other news, we are getting the biggest tax return of our lives this year. And were way excited. Until Alann took his truck in for an oil change. And found out he had at least a grand and possible several thousand dollars worth of work to do on the truck. Basically, every steering system he owns is set to blow up- several systems are leaking and need to be replaced, and he needs new tires. He is going to take the truck to get a second opinion elsewhere, but we will probably be spending half of the return on the truck. I think it is jealous that we just spent money on my car. I guess that is the way life goes though. You win some and then you lose some.