Monday, May 12, 2008

Happy non-mother's day

Every where you look is mother's day this and mother's day that. It's very very depressing for someone who wants desperately to be a mother and is not one. At church, they always get gifts of some kind for the mothers of the ward. In our ward, there is a (rather crazy) lady who creates the program and a monthly "newsletter" (I put it in quotes because there isn't really any news in it). She created some cards and was passing them out before church. She gave one to Shannon in front of me and another lady behind me, but didnt give one to me. Pat (sitting behind me) asked if I got one and I said no (it really wasn't a big deal.) So Pat told her that she missed me and she got really upset and kind of threw it at me. (She is very possessive of "her" things. She's really strange. She was going to move, and so wrote in her "newsletter" that some people would be happy to know that she was moving. Then, when they ended up not moving, she wrote that some people would be upset but that was just too bad. Really strange and not really appropriate stuff for a church-sanctioned thing.) On Friday, I had already been rebuked by a coworker about why should my husband have to get me anything for mother's day if I don't have kids. I didn't really explain anything to him. I just let it go. We've been celebrating mother's day and father's day since we got married. It started because of the dogs. They are like our kids to us. And we will eventually be parents, so why do we have to wait until then to celebrate the fact? Anyway, after these two situations came to pass, I was prepared to not make a fuss and not be upset if I didn't get one of the little gifts. The young men came and passed the stuff out. It was a music cd. I didn't get one. Not a big deal. Again, Pat from behind me leans forward and asks if I got one. I told her no, but I wasn't a mother anyway and tried to laugh it off. (Obviously, I don't have kids Pat. I am way too young for them to be grown up and out of the house and you didn't see any all during sacrament did you?) Then Shannon came to my rescue and said "not yet" and some other really nice things. Thanks Shan. That meant a lot to me. =)
In the end, I did end up with a cd, not that I ever listened to the one I got last year either. It's just nice that some people recognize non-mothers as having worth and value. Most of the church seems to just ignore us. It's the last big demographic in the church that doesn't get specific mention. We talk about converts, older men without the priesthood, people who are divorced or widowed, children who have strayed, parents who have lost children, single people who have never married, anyone who doesn't fit "the ideal", but vary rarely do you hear about us poor women who are married and want to be mothers but have not been blessed with that opportunity yet. It's very hard. Oh well. I try not to let it get me down. So happy non-mothers day. And happy mothers day too.

4 comments:

MomKAS said...

Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes. Love, Mom

Shannon said...

Glad that you appreciated what I said. I wasn't sure how you would take it, but I hate that about Mother's Day too (even though I do have kids). It always bothers me that they don't talk about all the wonderful nurturing things that women who dont necessarily have biological children do. I totally trust you with my kids' lives and I know you love them. To me, that makes you very motherly and of course we always have to "mother" our husbands from time to time. :) Anyway, hope it wasn't too depressing of a day for you. I enjoyed playing games last night!

Ginny said...

I'm sorry you had some bad experiences, that's too bad. I am surprised though, I have always been in wards that are very respectful of women in general on Mother's Day. Don't be too bitter though, I think some people just don't get it!

Steph said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you! It is too bad this lady didn't realize how hurtful she was being. Don't worry your time will come soon. I say Happy Mother's Day to all the women with children in their hearts!