Tuesday, January 13, 2009

All is vanity

According to Ezekiel anyway. I for one have never been a vain person. All my life I've known I was not and would not ever be one of those girls- you know, the ones that walk down the street and people stare at them and want to put them in advertising. I'm okay with that. I'm pretty enough and I've learned to like my body. Still, there are always things about oneself that one really likes. If you had asked me at any point since being roughly 16 when I became aware of it, I would have told you that my favorite body part on myself was my calves and feet. I've always thought I had awesome calves. They are usefully strong but still sexy in a skirt. And I've always thought I had cute feet. Sure, they are wide width, which makes finding shoes a little difficult, but when I do find cute shoes, my feet look cute in them. Not anymore. Since last Weds, I have had cankles. My feet fit in one and sometimes two pairs of shoes that I own, one of which being snow boots. What, you don't believe me? Fine, here they are in all their white speckly glory.

Yes, I am that white. (It's winter in Salt Lake. My legs haven't seen the sun since...August? September?) If I couldn't see the dreamworks* scar on my right foot, there are days I wouldn't believe they were my feet. They look so strange, so bloated. What are those little sausages attached to the ends? Are those my TOES?!?! And where exactly did my anklebone get to? It's always been a very prominent feature. I woke up like this last Weds. So far, they have done nothing but get bigger. And more sore. And wait, there's more. I also have some lovely carpal tunnel in my hands, more prominently in my left (which you all should know is very debilitating for me). My hands are not quite as swollen as my feet, but my left hand is tingly like it's asleep 90% of the time. Basically, if I do anything other than hold my arm straight down at my side, it tingles. Mostly just the finger tips, but sometimes whole fingers. Or last night, when I was sleeping, pretty much any position except sleeping on my right side caused shooting pain from my very very asleep hand to go up past my elbow. Sounds fun huh? I have a doctor's appointment today, and we will rule out preeclampsia as the cause of the swelling. Chances are, it's just swelling. But it's strange. It's usually at it's worst when I get up, instead of late at night after a day's work (which is "normal").

Otherwise though, things are going good. I still can't really complain too much. Alann has told me a couple of times that I'm perfect for being pregnant- nice and easy pregnancy (once I got over the nausea), few stretchmarks (I think I have a total of 3), etc. Other than gaining way more weight than I wanted to, it's been great.

We are taking our HypnoBirthing class, which is kind of fun. Our teacher is kind of crazy in that crazy old hippy way, but very likeable and she has some good info. I like that she is not as crazy hippy as the book we are reading. The "inventor" of HypnoBirthing is totally crazy. She wants you to have a doula to run interference, to not use "medical" terms like contraction (they are surges), and thinks the medical world is out to get you. Our teacher is more laid back than that. I just have to say to myself "ok, this is the crazy hippy talking again. I don't need this part." I want the Hypno part to work. Basically, the idea is that if you are relaxed (naturally, not drug induced) during labor, labor will not be painful and baby will come quickly and easily without exhausting you or baby. To get relaxed, we are practicing hypnosis. I listen to a few different hypnosis scripts during the day and at night and last night Alann hypnotized me for the first time. We are supposed to practice that almost every day. It's not as hoaky as it sounds. So far, I'm glad we took this class. At the very least it gives me something to start with, and if things don't go the way I want, then maybe we will talk interventions. Tonight I am going to a breastfeeding class. Alann declined to come with me. He says he won't be helping me breastfeed, because that's just weird. I'm a little confused about how I am supposed to learn to breastfeed before I have something to practice with, but it's free thanks to the Hypno class, so not going would be silly.

So here is a picture of all of me, 36 weeks and counting. I look a lot bigger without anything covering my belly, but since this is a family site, I won't be posing topless or anything. (You're welcome.) I'm down to about 2 pairs of pants that fit comfortably and only a few tops that still cover that monstrous belly. Alann had to help me out on Sunday by using a binder clip to clip my pants and shirt together. (This was after church when we were just hanging out at home. The dogs don't care if I look like a mess.) Though most of the women here think I'm the cutest pregnant lady ever, since it looks like I swallowed a basketball. Thank goodness it's winter and they can't see what I see every day. I'll let them think it's cute and only in my belly. =)

* I call it my dreamworks scar because that is what it looks like- the little guy fishing from the crescent moon that Dreamworks Studio uses as their logo. It's on the top of my right foot. It usually only shows up when my feet are really cold. I have no idea where it came from or what would have made such an interesting scar.


Teene said...

Yay! New post! I'm sorry about the cankles - it looks weird. But I still love you for sure and I still think you're one of the cutest pregnant ladies I've ever seen! And yes, it does look like you swallowed a basketball so I don't know what "weight" you're complaining about. You must hide it really well. If its really even there. Good luck with the rest of your hypno birth classes and the breastfeeding class - I agree - how do you learn ahead of time?

Shannon said...

Oh those poor feet. I so know how that feels. Not fun. Hopefully just a few more weeks and then things will settle down and you'll be swollen elsewhere (if you know what I mean). Aren't babies fun? ;) They really are . . . eventually. I am so excited to meet Claire! Hang in there!

Karen said...

Oh my gosh you poor thing!!! My daughter-in-law had feet like that with Alyssa in July. She spent the last part of her pregnancy at her mom's in the pool. Miserable for sure - but it WILL go away :) Soon now - I can't wait to see pictures!
Karen (your mom's friend!)

MomKAS said...

I recognize those cankles. Seems I had them when I was pregnant with ... who was it? oh yeah! ... when I was pregnant with you.

They are uncomfortable, but definitely survivable.